4th of July (with a side order of sap.)

Listen, I tried with this 30 day thing.

It wasn't perfect. I'm not cut out to post every day.

But to be honest, none of the last few prompts interested me. So, that's DONE.


Today is July 4th. Independence Day. 

Also known as Brian and my unofficial 4th anniversary. 

I'm not someone who has ever been shy about wanting to someday be a wife. 

This picture was taken the first week of June, 2010. Brian and I met three weeks later. 

 This pic was taken 4th of July weekend, 2010. Our first pic together. 

We officially became a "couple" on 7/5, though this whole weekend feels like "ours." 

We were sitting on a bench on the Plymouth Waterfront. 

We look pretty young!!! 

4th of July 2010, with the girls...

My last one as a technically single woman. 

(I spent this whole party talking about Brian, whom I was already completely infatuated with.) 

Fast forward to 2011. 

Bridal showers galore. 

In my gut, I can tell something isn't QUITE right. 

I know we love each other, but we weren't on the same page. 

I continued to want "the ring" even though I knew it wasn't coming anytime soon. 

Our 1st Anniversary, 7/3/11

Fireworks at Manomet Beach

As my friends know, the end of 2011 was tough. 

We broke up temporarily. 

I was devastated. 

(Just ask Lane, Rachael, & Trish...who all tried to feed and comfort me in the days following.) 

This breakup, however, was the BEST thing that ever happened to me (us) , if you can believe that. 

When we came back together, it was with a better understanding of what we both wanted. 

(Which was each other, firstly.) 

But also with renewed resolve, clear heads, and APPRECIATION for each other. 

2012 was a year to re-build. 

Brian went outside his comfort zone for me on multiple occasions, including this one-and-only Halloween costume party. 

We enjoyed time up North, as we always have. 

We gradually became closer and built the relationship that would have evolved from day 1, if we'd been in the same head space. 

(In some ways, our "real" relationship began when we got back together.) 

2013 brought LOTS of changes

Our first big vacation together, the cruise

And yet we still found time on July 4th weekend to sit on the waterfront...

Weddings, galore. 

(Only this time it didn't seem like we were so far off.) 

People watching at the fireworks, as is our custom. 

We moved in. 

I made this little place my own as best I could. 

We developed intimacy by living together that took our relationship to the next level. 

So much fun. 

We have had so much fun. 

(One of the reasons we want an affordable house.) 

And in March 2014, after a few tense months of waiting (haha)...

We got the beginning of our happy ending! 

We didn't take a pic yet this weekend. 

So this is our most recent one, from May. 

4th of July weekend...my favorite. 

A great time to celebrate the most important person in my life. 

Love you. 

How I would spend $1,000,000

This one is fun. 

OK. First things first. I'd pay off my student loan debt, my car loan. I'd pay my parents' debts, and loans. I'd pay my aunts' mortgages off.
I'd put myself and my family in a position not to "owe" anything to anyone.

Second, I'd buy a house. Nothing extravagant, but something nice. Maybe spend 400K. Something turn-key, in an ideal neighborhood, that we love EVERYTHING about. 

Third, I'd put another $20,000 towards the wedding, so we could have a few extras we'd like. I'd cover the hotel rooms for the weekend for the families and bridal party myself, because I could afford it.

Fourth, Brian and I would probably put at least 200,000 in the bank/investments for later. Let that money grow, and work for us.

...So what's left? Like 300,000. Ok.

We would take a CRAZY European vacation. We've always wanted to go to Europe, especially Greece and Italy. I'd love to throw France, Switzerland, Ireland, and Spain into that mix too--it would be amazing. Maybe we could even pay for some friends to come along... (Rachael? Maybe you'd make that "pact" Brian wanted you to make if there was a European adventure thrown in for free? ;)


I would donate a lump sum to Schwartz--one that was allocated ONLY to give huge bonuses to the staff and to buy new stuff for the kids.


Beyond that, we'd nickel and dime our way through the remainder with trips, upgrades, investments, and savings. I firmly believe that winning $1,000,000 wouldn't change me. Hah.

Someone Who Fascinates Me.

Can I be honest? No one really fascinates me.
At least--no one in particular. 

There are people I admire--people that do amazing things, that I wish I could do.

Or people who have once in a lifetime, creative ideas.

But as people, somehow I think people are just people at a basic level. 
Strip away the amazing feats and we are all the same, somehow.

So while I admire many people, I'm not super fascinated...almost because, people are so complex. The idea of trying to "figure" them out seems daunting.

But I do try to understand people. So it's not like I don't care at all. 

I'm fascinated by the inner workings of people I care about--so I guess I am fascinated by Brian. He fascinates me. I could watch him all day, talk to him all day, think about him all day.

I'm AM fascinated by surgeons or artists that can do and create things that don't even make logical sense. HOW DO THEY DO THAT???

I'm fascinated by people who risk their lives for the sake of others. I find their selflessness and their courage incredible--our personal senses of "self preservation" are so strong--I am constantly amazed that they are able to overcome those feelings in the face of danger.

Otherwise, I think we're all just complex human beings. Looking to make sense of our corner of the world. 

My Fave Movie & What Its About

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

A-MA-ZING

Joel & Clementine meet randomly at a beach party. 

They fall in love pretty much instantly.

They move in. Living in happiness and harmony...

For a while...

Then free-spirited clementine gets bored and Joel gets frustrated...

And they have an explosion, a breakup...

And Clementine hires a company to erase Joel from her memory. 

When Joel hears this, he is heartbroken, panicked, and freaked out. 

He decides to erase Clementine as well, since he can't go on knowing she's completely forgotten him and the life they had together. 

As Joel's memory is being erased, he is "asleep" but becomes aware, internally, that he doesn't want to erase Clementine...

And the movie re-lives their lives together, the good and the bad...

As Joel tries to "hide" Clementine in memories she doesn't belong in. 

When it becomes clear that he can't stop what's happening...and that she'll be gone soon, Joel realizes its better to have loved and lost. (At least that's what I take from it.) 

And Clementine says "Meet me in Montauk"

In a plot twist, the two actually meet on the train to Montauk, both unaware they were previously in love and lived together--since they erased each other...

But they discover the truth...

And the movie is left with the scene below, where they realize they want to be together but that there were reasons they broke up...

And there's no absolute answer as to whether they try again or not. 

The movie is trippy, emotional, beautiful, amazing. 

I am telling you--SEE IT. 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter does it? What happens next? Whether a relationship was perfect or not? 

It's about what someone MEANT to you, good or bad. 

And sometimes, it's better to remember it all--good AND bad. 

5 Famous Hotties.

EDDIE CAHILL. 

Everyone has that one random B-list actor they just LOVE. 

And my #1 crush has got to be this guy. 

J.C. CHASEZ

15 years after NSync, my devotion has not wavered. 

RACHEL McADAMS

I am convinced we would be best friends. 

KATE BECKINSALE

Just flawless. 

JOHN KRASINSKI

Everyone's dream man. 

Jim Halpert is real. 

How Has Life Changed in Two Years...

Two years ago, Brian and I were rebuilding our relationship--we'd been apart for a few months in the winter of 2011-2012 and we were in love, committed, and together again. However, we weren't nearly as serious or secure with the whole relationship as we are now.

I lived in Cumberland still.

I wasn't engaged.

I wasn't looking for a home.

Life was simpler, but not as complete. 



I had begun losing weight, and at this time 2 years ago I weighed about 190 lbs. I had lost a considerable amount and was starting to feel really good about myself.

It's been a big two years for me, personally. And I am very much still a work in progress. 

I wonder what the next two years will bring...

Favorite TV Shows...

My two faves are probably Boardwalk & GOT. I love both. 

I like to watch "Extreme Weight Loss" for motivation.

And my guilty pleasure is the MTV challenge...don't judge me.