4th of July (with a side order of sap.)

Listen, I tried with this 30 day thing.

It wasn't perfect. I'm not cut out to post every day.

But to be honest, none of the last few prompts interested me. So, that's DONE.


Today is July 4th. Independence Day. 

Also known as Brian and my unofficial 4th anniversary. 

I'm not someone who has ever been shy about wanting to someday be a wife. 

This picture was taken the first week of June, 2010. Brian and I met three weeks later. 

 This pic was taken 4th of July weekend, 2010. Our first pic together. 

We officially became a "couple" on 7/5, though this whole weekend feels like "ours." 

We were sitting on a bench on the Plymouth Waterfront. 

We look pretty young!!! 

4th of July 2010, with the girls...

My last one as a technically single woman. 

(I spent this whole party talking about Brian, whom I was already completely infatuated with.) 

Fast forward to 2011. 

Bridal showers galore. 

In my gut, I can tell something isn't QUITE right. 

I know we love each other, but we weren't on the same page. 

I continued to want "the ring" even though I knew it wasn't coming anytime soon. 

Our 1st Anniversary, 7/3/11

Fireworks at Manomet Beach

As my friends know, the end of 2011 was tough. 

We broke up temporarily. 

I was devastated. 

(Just ask Lane, Rachael, & Trish...who all tried to feed and comfort me in the days following.) 

This breakup, however, was the BEST thing that ever happened to me (us) , if you can believe that. 

When we came back together, it was with a better understanding of what we both wanted. 

(Which was each other, firstly.) 

But also with renewed resolve, clear heads, and APPRECIATION for each other. 

2012 was a year to re-build. 

Brian went outside his comfort zone for me on multiple occasions, including this one-and-only Halloween costume party. 

We enjoyed time up North, as we always have. 

We gradually became closer and built the relationship that would have evolved from day 1, if we'd been in the same head space. 

(In some ways, our "real" relationship began when we got back together.) 

2013 brought LOTS of changes

Our first big vacation together, the cruise

And yet we still found time on July 4th weekend to sit on the waterfront...

Weddings, galore. 

(Only this time it didn't seem like we were so far off.) 

People watching at the fireworks, as is our custom. 

We moved in. 

I made this little place my own as best I could. 

We developed intimacy by living together that took our relationship to the next level. 

So much fun. 

We have had so much fun. 

(One of the reasons we want an affordable house.) 

And in March 2014, after a few tense months of waiting (haha)...

We got the beginning of our happy ending! 

We didn't take a pic yet this weekend. 

So this is our most recent one, from May. 

4th of July weekend...my favorite. 

A great time to celebrate the most important person in my life. 

Love you. 

How I would spend $1,000,000

This one is fun. 

OK. First things first. I'd pay off my student loan debt, my car loan. I'd pay my parents' debts, and loans. I'd pay my aunts' mortgages off.
I'd put myself and my family in a position not to "owe" anything to anyone.

Second, I'd buy a house. Nothing extravagant, but something nice. Maybe spend 400K. Something turn-key, in an ideal neighborhood, that we love EVERYTHING about. 

Third, I'd put another $20,000 towards the wedding, so we could have a few extras we'd like. I'd cover the hotel rooms for the weekend for the families and bridal party myself, because I could afford it.

Fourth, Brian and I would probably put at least 200,000 in the bank/investments for later. Let that money grow, and work for us.

...So what's left? Like 300,000. Ok.

We would take a CRAZY European vacation. We've always wanted to go to Europe, especially Greece and Italy. I'd love to throw France, Switzerland, Ireland, and Spain into that mix too--it would be amazing. Maybe we could even pay for some friends to come along... (Rachael? Maybe you'd make that "pact" Brian wanted you to make if there was a European adventure thrown in for free? ;)


I would donate a lump sum to Schwartz--one that was allocated ONLY to give huge bonuses to the staff and to buy new stuff for the kids.


Beyond that, we'd nickel and dime our way through the remainder with trips, upgrades, investments, and savings. I firmly believe that winning $1,000,000 wouldn't change me. Hah.

Someone Who Fascinates Me.

Can I be honest? No one really fascinates me.
At least--no one in particular. 

There are people I admire--people that do amazing things, that I wish I could do.

Or people who have once in a lifetime, creative ideas.

But as people, somehow I think people are just people at a basic level. 
Strip away the amazing feats and we are all the same, somehow.

So while I admire many people, I'm not super fascinated...almost because, people are so complex. The idea of trying to "figure" them out seems daunting.

But I do try to understand people. So it's not like I don't care at all. 

I'm fascinated by the inner workings of people I care about--so I guess I am fascinated by Brian. He fascinates me. I could watch him all day, talk to him all day, think about him all day.

I'm AM fascinated by surgeons or artists that can do and create things that don't even make logical sense. HOW DO THEY DO THAT???

I'm fascinated by people who risk their lives for the sake of others. I find their selflessness and their courage incredible--our personal senses of "self preservation" are so strong--I am constantly amazed that they are able to overcome those feelings in the face of danger.

Otherwise, I think we're all just complex human beings. Looking to make sense of our corner of the world. 

My Fave Movie & What Its About

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

A-MA-ZING

Joel & Clementine meet randomly at a beach party. 

They fall in love pretty much instantly.

They move in. Living in happiness and harmony...

For a while...

Then free-spirited clementine gets bored and Joel gets frustrated...

And they have an explosion, a breakup...

And Clementine hires a company to erase Joel from her memory. 

When Joel hears this, he is heartbroken, panicked, and freaked out. 

He decides to erase Clementine as well, since he can't go on knowing she's completely forgotten him and the life they had together. 

As Joel's memory is being erased, he is "asleep" but becomes aware, internally, that he doesn't want to erase Clementine...

And the movie re-lives their lives together, the good and the bad...

As Joel tries to "hide" Clementine in memories she doesn't belong in. 

When it becomes clear that he can't stop what's happening...and that she'll be gone soon, Joel realizes its better to have loved and lost. (At least that's what I take from it.) 

And Clementine says "Meet me in Montauk"

In a plot twist, the two actually meet on the train to Montauk, both unaware they were previously in love and lived together--since they erased each other...

But they discover the truth...

And the movie is left with the scene below, where they realize they want to be together but that there were reasons they broke up...

And there's no absolute answer as to whether they try again or not. 

The movie is trippy, emotional, beautiful, amazing. 

I am telling you--SEE IT. 

Ultimately, it doesn't matter does it? What happens next? Whether a relationship was perfect or not? 

It's about what someone MEANT to you, good or bad. 

And sometimes, it's better to remember it all--good AND bad. 

5 Famous Hotties.

EDDIE CAHILL. 

Everyone has that one random B-list actor they just LOVE. 

And my #1 crush has got to be this guy. 

J.C. CHASEZ

15 years after NSync, my devotion has not wavered. 

RACHEL McADAMS

I am convinced we would be best friends. 

KATE BECKINSALE

Just flawless. 

JOHN KRASINSKI

Everyone's dream man. 

Jim Halpert is real. 

How Has Life Changed in Two Years...

Two years ago, Brian and I were rebuilding our relationship--we'd been apart for a few months in the winter of 2011-2012 and we were in love, committed, and together again. However, we weren't nearly as serious or secure with the whole relationship as we are now.

I lived in Cumberland still.

I wasn't engaged.

I wasn't looking for a home.

Life was simpler, but not as complete. 



I had begun losing weight, and at this time 2 years ago I weighed about 190 lbs. I had lost a considerable amount and was starting to feel really good about myself.

It's been a big two years for me, personally. And I am very much still a work in progress. 

I wonder what the next two years will bring...

Favorite TV Shows...

My two faves are probably Boardwalk & GOT. I love both. 

I like to watch "Extreme Weight Loss" for motivation.

And my guilty pleasure is the MTV challenge...don't judge me. 

Education...

How important is education these days?

Well, obviously I believe in education to some extent, since I went to college for 7 years.

But I think education (and its importance) varies mostly depending on your field. 

To become a physical therapist, college is non-negotiable. 

So the decision was easy. 

And I'm happy that I received the education that I did. 

But let me just get on a quick soapbox here about STUDENT LOANS.

Student Loans are the bane of society--that, combined with the inflated costs of going to college, are creating a generational crisis, in my opinion. 

My parents, for example, were able to work AND go to school. 

I can only speak for myself, but my part time jobs that I had while in college (I had TWO) no where NEAR covered my costs. 

And there's a zero percent chance I could have done it without loans. 

To me, this is the issue: Once again, as is typical in this country, the middle class suffers. 

My parents make decent money. But they are definitely middle class. They were able to help me with college, but definitely couldn't pay for it completely. Grad school was almost entirely on my own, of course. And I didn't expect more--they did everything they could for me and that was a lot.


That being said, after 7 years of college (and I took out as LITTLE as possible), I owed $63,000. That's the total, after interest. My loans (principal) were less than that.

I've been paying for 4 1/2 years. Making extra payments where possible. I currently owe $25,000. 


I'm trying to buy a house. 
I'm trying to pay for a wedding. 
I'm trying not to spend every LAST cent on those things. 
...

And I lived with my PARENTS, nearly RENT FREE, for 4 years!!! 

HOW DO PEOPLE AFFORD IT WHEN THEY HAVE TO LIVE ON THEIR OWN???

HOW IS IT THAT SOMEONE LIKE ME, WHO IS EDUCATED, MOTIVATED, HAS A JOB, PAYS MY BILLS, SAVES MONEY, AND HAS MANAGED TO PUT ALMOST $40,000 towards LOANS ALONE PLUS SAVE $15,000+ and buy a car, etc...

How is it that I'm scraping together money to buy a house???

I'm clearly not reckless with my money. I took the bullet and lived with my parents. I saved all I could and paid all I could. And I'm STILL in the RED.



I hate to say it, and I hope I don't offend anyone--but it doesn't pay to be in the middle. The wealthier people can afford the college costs. And the poorer people get more help--from government loans to needs-based scholarships. 

(sidenote--I'm not saying poorer people get more help or have it better in all areas of life--clearly NOT. But in this particular case, having NO money becomes almost an advantage.) 


In summation, I loved my education, and I'm grateful for it.

I'm not grateful, however, that I've worked so hard to be financially responsible and I still owe $25,000.
It's bullshit.

But education itself (college costs removed) is NOT. 

My Biggest Regret in Life

I don't have any HUGE regrets. Not one single thing that sticks out, to be honest.

I haven't made a mistake that it hasn't taught me something valuable. 


One regret I do have is constantly de-valuing myself when I was younger and overweight.

I still have significant body image issues but at least I feel I deserve attention and love now.


I used to sell myself short. Pretend I was happy and confident. But I'd always be "friends" with guys I was interested in because it was safe. I just knew they wouldn't be interested. I assumed I couldn't do it. I didn't have faith in myself.

So I do regret that--

But, the good news is--I'm turning it around now. 

Book I Could Read Over and Over...

My favorite is probably...

I love to read, and I love many books. 

But this one is just something special. :)

Highs & Lows of This Year

Among other things, there was one VERY big "high". 

My relationship (or lack thereof) with my sister-in-law (and in turn, my niece), has been the "low."

Sometimes, people don't make sense. I struggle daily with how to deal with this. 

I'm very angry. And yet, don't want to give up on reconciliation. 

Because I love my brother, and my niece, and I want them in my life. 

And if I want that, I need to make piece with this--both accept what has happened and at some point, repair things. 

I am still so angry. To be honest. 

But this year has been more good than bad. Weddings, Babies, my 30th birthday. 

My finacee, becoming balanced with weight loss, getting pre-approved for a house...

So I choose to focus on the positive. 

Mainstream Music...

Honestly, I don't really care. That's my view on mainstream music. 

If you like it, listen to it. If you don't, don't. 

I will say, overall, that I think popular music is in the shitter compared to what it once was. 

But there are still some catchy, current tunes. 

So. Whatever. This prompt bores me. 

The end. 

P.S. I will say, however, that crappy musicians become "famous artists" for shock value, slutty-ness, and over produced songs that could make any sub-par vocal performance passable. So my respect is certainly lower for current musicians. Particularly the likes of Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. 

15 Interesting Facts

I'm not sure I could list anything here that people don't know already.

I'm kind of an open book.

So 15 Interesting Facts isn't as challenging as "15 Interesting Facts People Don't Already Know." 

Well, here goes.

1. I am 3/4 French Canadian and 1/4 Ukrainian. Yet somehow I feel Ukrainian, 100%.
I think this is because I was very close with and attached to my Grammy, Stasia "Stella", who contributes that 25% Ukrainian blood. I always loved her "Ukrainian" looks--blonde hair, blue eyes, general "fanciness" and her cooking. I also feel like the females in her family were nurturing but feisty, which feels like me.

2.  I am a person of varied interests. I love almost everything. Even my handwriting varies day to day. (I worry that I'm a psychopath lol.) I can't choose between the beach and the mountains. I love girls night out AND playing co-ed softball. I like dressing up for weddings and also I like wearing sweatpants in public. I like getting out and having fun--I also love staying home. I love beer, wine, hard liquor, and blended drinks. I like coffee, tea, or hot chocolate. I like summer, and winter. And fall. And spring. I like my hair blonde. But also brown. Not that I drink soda--but I can't even pick a favorite soda! It's a three way tie between coca cola, sprite and orange soda. And fresca. And ginger ale. See the problem??? I often have trouble predicting what others will like, because the way I see it, it's all good! 

3.  My mind works faster than most people. I don't mean this to be condescending. It's actually a problem, because it causes me to be impatient and panicked. If you're always 10 steps ahead, life is exhausting. One thing I'm working on, for myself, is to SLOW THE F*** DOWN. Life's too short. I know it's easy for some people. Not easy for me.

4.  I am, as a general rule, super-invested and careful with my friendships. 

When I choose a "friend"--I commit--and will, in most instances, go above and beyond if I am needed.

5. When I was 19 I had my butt crack amputated. 
For details, see me personally.


6. I've never broken a bone, fired a gun, or been to Nantucket. I know. Weird. 


7. My favorite name for a little girl is Lia and my favorite for a boy is Aaron.
I said it here publicly, steal them and I'll cut you.


8. My niece, Penelope is 7 months old. I rarely see her. Those who know me know the story.
I also think that she looks a lot like my mom...

And those who know the whole story will find this ESPECIALLY ironic. ha. They are both gorgeous, in my unbiased opinion. :)


9.  My top 5 "must haves" in a home are: basement/storage space, neighborhood/backyard, 3 bedrooms, a 2nd toilet, and no creepy "vibes" when I walk in the front door.


10. I have disordered eating and body dysmorphic disorder, both relatively mild, compared to others who have them. They are not mild, however, in my day-to-day life.


11.  Brian and I met on eHarmony. I'm pretty sure some of his friends and family still think we met at Patriot Place (an awkward lie we once told at a party) and now we can't correct them. Bahaha. Awkward is right. Nobody mention eHarmony at the wedding!!!



12. I bought this Calvin Klein Stretch satin dress in 2010 and wore it to Rachael's Wedding, wearing approximately 12 pairs of Spanx.

I love it so much that I have altered it TWICE so that I didn't have to stop wearing it, even though I lost weight. I am clearly obsessed.

13. I get very attached to items that work well for me. These include: Seven Jeans (from Marshalls/TJ Maxx of course--I'm not RICH), Asics sneakers, Gap Body undies, Jockey work out pants, Ann Taylor loft soft t-shirts, Old Navy ribbed tank tops, Herbal Essences mousse, Garnier BB Cream, Lancome mascara, and EOS lip balm.


14.  I am an obsessive fan of "The Office", "Arrested Development", and "Sex & the City". I own these series, in completion, on DVD.


15.  My goal in life is to be happy and balanced.
Everything else falls into place.